The Long Jeroma
by Stephen Ratliff
Summary: Hu's First Officer, Watt's Second ... Chakotay's is going to regret doing this comedy routine on Janeway.


**The Long Jeroma**

:

Title: The Long Jeroma Command Team

Author: Stephen

Series: VOY

Codes: humor

Rating: [G]

Summary: Chakotay regrets his joke on Janeway.

Warning: I didn't consider this beta worthy. Consider it a throw away humor piece.

...

Chakotay took one look at the roster of officers he'd been assigned and knew that Janeway was getting her revenge. There was no other way to explain it. How she'd managed to get him the complete set ... Janeway must have put in hours to find every single one of those officers for his crew. He'd also have to blame B'Elanna a bit too.

It had all started when Admiral Buckland "Bucky" Harris had informed Chakotay that he was to command the USS Jeronimo. Though it was a new ship, like many ship names it came with a nick name. Some dated back a long time, like the Indefatigable being called the Indy, or the Enterprise being called the Big E. The Jeronimo was known as the Long Jeroma, dating back to when it was a variant on the old Excelsior Class with a longer set of warp nacelles.

Of course, Chakotay had another association in mind. The combination of getting the assignment from Bucky Harris and the ship name, virtually guaranteed it. So when, Janeway had asked that fated question, it had only been natural, even though he was the first and only officer yet assigned.

...

"So, Chakotay, have you found out who's going to be your officers on the Long Jeroma?" Janeway asked as she settled down in the mess hall of the Voyager.

Chakotay put down his PADD and looked at Janeway. She was sipping her coffee. Since the Voyager had returned to Earth, her coffee intake had hit new levels. "Actually, I have," he said in a normal tone.

"So, tell me, I might know a few," Jane asked, before taking another sip. The cup stayed near her nose for a bit, as she inhaled the scent of the caffeinated beverage.

"Well, Hu's my First officer, Watt's second," Chakotay began, picking up a bagel. "And I Dunno is Chief Engineer."

"If you really don't know who your officers are, you don't have to tell me," Janeway said, putting down her mug.

"I just told you, Hu's First Officer, Watt's Second, and I Dunno is Chief Engineer," Chakotay picked up his own cup of herbal tea.

"You are the Captain to be, right?" Janeway asked, tilting her mug.

"Yes."

"And you don't know your officer's names?" Janeway said. "It's going to be an long voyage if you don't learn them."

"I know them."

"Then whose your First Officer?" Janeway asked, taking another sip of her coffee.

"Yes."

"I mean the First Officer's name."

"Hu."

"The First Officer?"

"Hu."

"Your Number One?"

"Hu."

"Your second in command?"

"Hu is First Officer."

"I'm asking you who's First Officer!"

"That's the man's name."

"That's who's name?"

"Yes."

"Well, go ahead and tell me."

"That's it."

"That's who?"

"Yes."

There was a long pause as Janeway took a deep sip of her coffee, looking over the rim of her mug at Chakotay. He could tell that she thought he was too well composed for the conversation.

"Look, you have a First Officer, right?"

"Certainly."

"Who's First Officer?"

"That's right."

"Then when you send an away mission, who gets to lead it?"

"Every time I don't."

"All I'm trying to do is find out the name of the fellow who is going to serve as your First Officer."

"Hu."

"Who leads the Away Missions?"

"That's it."

"Who gets the team?"

"He does, as long as I don't do it myself. Sometimes he'll take is wife with him, if it's going to be an overnight mission, I'm told."

"Who's wife?"

"Yes."

There was silence for a bit, and Chakotay had to hide his smile, as Janeway scowled.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Look, all I want to know is when your first officer signs aboard, how does he say it?"

"Hu."

"The First Officer."

"Hu."

"How does he say it?"

"That's how he says it."

"Who."

"Yes."

"And all I'm trying to find out is what's the name of the guy serving as your First Officer."

"Watt's the Second Officer."

"I'm not asking you who's Second Officer."

"Hu's First."

"One post at a time."

"Well, try not to change my officers around."

"I'm not changing anyone!"

"Take it easy, Captain."

"I'm only asking you, who's the First Officer?

"That's right."

"Okay."

"All right."

Janeway put down her coffee, almost slamming it. It sloshed as she moved her hand away.

"What's your First Officer's name?"

"No. Watt is Second."

"I'm not asking you who's Second."

"Hu's First."

"I don't know."

"He's on Chief Engineer. we're not talking about him."

"Now how did I get to Engineering?"

"Why you mentioned his name."

"If I mentioned the Chief Engineer's name, who did I say is Chief Engineer?

"No. Hu's First Officer."

"What's First Officer?"

"Watt's Second Officer."

"I don't know."

"He's Chief Engineer"

"There I go, back to Engineering!"

Janeway ran her hands through her short hair.

"Would you just stay in Engineering and don't go off it."

"All right, what do you want to know?"

"Now who's Chief Engineer?"

"Why do you insist on putting Hu in Engineering?"

"What am I putting in Enginerring?"

"No. Watt is on Second Officer.

"You don't want who as Second Officer?"

"Hu is First Officer."

"I don't know."

"Chief Engineer" both of them chorused.

Chakotay was beginning to think that Janeway knew the sketch.

"Look, you gotta other department chiefs?

"Sure."

"The Security Chief's name?

"Y."

"I just thought I'd ask you."

"Well, I told you."

"Then tell me who's Chief of Security."

"Hu's First Officer."

"I'm not... stay with the department heads! I want to know what's the guy's name heading Security?

"No, Watt is Second Officer."

"I'm not asking you who's Second Officer."

"Hu's First Officer!"

"I don't know."

"Chief Engineer!" they chorused.

Janeway now had a smile on her face, as she paused to take a sip of her coffee.

"The Chief of Security's name?

"Y."

"Because!"

"Oh, he's Chief of Operations.."

Janeway appeared to be reigning in her amusement for a moment.

"Look, You have a Chief Medical Officer on this ship?

"Sure."

"The Doctor's name?

"Tomara."

"You don't want to tell me today?"

"I'm telling you now."

"Then go ahead."

"Tomara."

"What time?"

"What time what?"

"What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's the Doctor."

"Now listen. Hu is not the Doctor."

"I'll break your arm if you say who's First Officer! I want to know what's the Doctor's name?

"Watt's Second Officer, and did the EMH ever settle on one?"

"I don't know."

"Chief Engineer!"

Janeway took a deep breath, schooling her face into a emotionless poker face.

"Do you have a Science Officer."

"Certainly."

"The Officer's name?

"T'Dai."

"Today, and tomorrow's the Doctor."

"Now you've got it."

"All we got is a couple of days on the ship."

The poker face was slipping again.

"You know I'm a Science Officer too."

"So they tell me."

"So, I show up to do a little research on your ship. Today's your Science Officer, and helping me with my research when an anomaly appears. Since you're not on the bridge, I inform who?"

"Now that's the first thing you've said right."

"I don't even know what I'm talking about!"

Chakotay thought that Janeway was about to break out into laughter.

"That's all you have to do."

"Is to tell the First Officer."

"Yes!"

"Now Who's knows?

"Naturally."

Janeway took a sip of her coffee to collect herself.

"Look, if I tell the First Officer, somebody's find out. Now who knows?

"Naturally."

"Who?"

"Naturally."

"Naturally?"

"Naturally."

"So I find the anomaly and I tell Naturally.

"No you don't, you tell Hu."

"Naturally."

"That's different."

"That's what I said."

"You're not saying it..."

"I tell Naturally."

"You tell Hu."

"Naturally."

"That's it."

"That's what I said!"

"You ask me."

"I tell who?"

"Naturally."

"Now you ask me."

"You tell Hu?

"Naturally."

"That's it."

"That's the same as I said! I tell Who. Who, whoever that is, faints so command devolves to What. What calls the Chief Engineer I Don't Know. I Don't Know calls Tomorrow, to fix Who. In operations, Because notices a boarding party. Why? I don't know! He's Chief Engineer and I don't give a darn!

"What?"

"I said I don't give a darn!"

"Oh, that's my helmsman."

...

A few minutes of silence went by before Janeway spoke up. During which, she tried to reign in her laughter. "Well done, Chakotay. I don't believe I've heard a version for a ship before."

Before Chakotay could reply, however, Lieutenant Torres appeared. "Captain, I was told you were calling for me."

"Actually, Lieutenant, Commander Chakotay and I were discussing his new Chief Engineer when he takes over the Long Jeroma. What was the name, Chakotay?"

"I Dunno."

"Oh, I've heard of him. He's good."

...

**Crew of the USS Jeronimo**

Commanding Officer: Captain Chakotay

First Officer: Lieutenant Commander Yu No Hu

Second Officer: Lieutenant Owl Watt

Chief Engineer: Lieutenant I. Dunno

Chief of Security: Lieutenant Y.

Chief of Operations: Lieutenant B. Cauze

Chief Medical Officer: Doctor Tomara

Science Officer: Lieutenant T'Dai

Helmsman: Ensign I Dewna Gevadam


End file.
